Thursday, April 23, 2009

Said dog, such talk

Dear Berkeley Municipal Code people:

You probably haven't heard, but we're getting a dog.

I know you'll appreciate the sense of excitement in our household.

I've been reading all the stuff you put out about getting a license and trying to familiarize myself with the city regulations.

To my delight, I just came across this jewel:

Any person having custody of a dog while on public property shall at all times carry an instrument suitable for removing and disposing of feces which may be deposited by said dog and shall remove any such feces deposited by such dog while on such property (BMC 10.04.091).

I just have to ask.

Did you really write the phrase "such feces"?


Really really, did you?

If you did, I want to thank you for bringing joy into my life this morning.

If the City of Berkeley had hired me to write the rules, I might have come up with this one:

Anybody who takes a dog onto public property must have with them the means to remove any feces the dog might leave, and must actually do so.

Or I might have come up with a kind of poster language instead:

Taking your dog to a park or other public place? Carry a pooper-scooper. And use it! It's the law!

But they didn't hire me to write the ordinance. They chose you instead, somebody who could (with a straight face?) write the words "such feces" into law.

The world is a better place for your efforts.

Love and smooches,

Your fan,



If you have any hints on how I get my dog to "deposit" her doo-doo, and not simply "drop" it, pass them on, will you? There's so much to learn in obedience school.