Saturday, September 24, 2005

Ripping Out the Roses

The move by the new pope and his hardliners to either clean the stables of perverts – to frame it their way – or remove from religious service some of the Church’s most faithful by painting them with too broad a brush – to frame it in the progressive church’s way – is beginning to create friction. Today’s New York Times reports of a suggestion by one priest that gay priests should start wearing pink triangles. Bad enough Pius XII has been called "Hitler’s Pope." Imagine what this could to to the new administration.

The reason for getting rid of gay priests? Too much temptation. Like, hello, this is the first time priests have had to deal with temptation? Where is the theology that says they have to be spared temptation?

And where is the evidence they need to be spared – the fact that 80% of the abuse cases are male on male sex? ‘Scuse me, but how about keeping your eye on the donut here. Adults should not take their pleasure on vulnerable kids.

Turns out they’ve decided if you want to kill the weeds the way is to rip out the roses and daffodils as well as the ragweed. They’re moving not only on abusers but on adult priests who might be tempted to do the naughty with other adult priests.

OK, I say. I’m not going to save your damned church for you. You want to run it into the ground? Be my guest. Here’s a couple suggestions, though, to men of the lavender set who want to be professionally spiritual but don’t know how they’re going to weather the witchhunt.

- Father Percy? You like to diddle little boys against their will? Get out of the church now and get help. Go into real estate or something.
- Father Timothy? You like the occasional getaways with hunky high school football players between 16 and 18 who like older men in the back seat of a pickup? If you can’t keep your vows of obedience and celibacy, get out of the priesthood and get work as a gay masseur. As the Benedictines say, lavorare est orare (to work is to pray.) Only do it in Denmark, or one of those other adult countries where the age of consent is 12, or something like that.
- Father Clarence? You can’t stop flirting with Father Wilbur? Get out of the church, both of you. Get yourselves an apartment, buy some IKEA furniture, go into social work and do some good. Work as lay catholics to make the church focus on turning the other cheek instead of kicking so much gay butt.
- For the rest of you, the Episcopal Church is nice. You get to keep your collars and refer to yourself as catholics.

This is just a start, obviously. With all the priests pouring out of the church, there’s bound to be some interesting creative thinking about where these good men can put their talents. Don’t stay where you’re not wanted, guys. Stop tying yourselves up in knots.

The world needs love.

September 24, 2005

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