Mother Wants You Home

NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH

from the Associated Press, October 19, 2006…

“The nation’s Roman Catholic bishops said Wednesday they are developing new guidelines for ministry to gays, reaffirming church opposition to same-sex marriage and adoption by the couples, while condemning discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.”

Go ahead. Read it again. “While condemning discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.”

These rules/guidelines, AP tells us, “have been in development since 2002.”

“Catholic teaching is based on ‘objective moral norms,’ not prejudice.” But “gays should live chastely and celibately,” according to the drafters.

And who says catholics lack a sense of humor?

New guidelines? You mean, like when they start returning to the church in droves, best not burn them alive when there’s a newspaper reporter present?

And news? Jesus, this is news right up there with the fact that fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and men tend to put their trousers on one leg at a time.

You gotta love these guys. New guidelines, my ass.

All over America the WELCOME BACK, GAYS banners are out. COME HOME! ALL IS FORGIVEN. YOU CAN BE CATHOLIC AGAIN.

I’ve got a suggestion for you bishop people. Give us some choice.

How about this: To be catholic, you must agree to one of the following:

1. Loss of hearing in both ears;
2. Removal of the part of the brain which recognizes color and the faces of friends;
3. Life in a cell without windows;
4. Removal of taste buds;
5. Removal of both feet at the ankles;
6. Life without sex;
7. Life without affection; or
8. Life without Mozart.

There. Given a choice of sacrifices, your numbers might grow a tad faster.

Thanks, guys.